When Students Become Partners

The first time I held what we now call a "VIP session," it wasn't planned. I was a young history teacher frustrated with a student who was disrupting my class. Rather than sending another referral that would go nowhere, I teamed up with an art teacher and an English teacher. We sat down with the student in a small circle. I'll never forget the look on his face when he realized all his teachers were there — not to punish him, but to understand him.

"Why are all my teachers here?" he asked, his defenses immediately up.

We took turns sharing what we saw in him — his strengths first, then the behaviors that were getting in the way of his success. By the end of our conversation, this student who had been a constant disruption was in tears, saying, "Thank you. I'll get on it."

That day, I learned something powerful: when students realize we actually see them — not just their behaviors — they respond in ways that traditional discipline could never achieve. What began as an impromptu intervention evolved into a structured approach that would transform our school culture, one student at a time.

Understanding the "Why" Behind VIP Sessions

When our teen students tell us "I don't know why I did that," they're telling the truth. The adolescent brain is still developing, particularly the connection between the amygdala and frontal cortex. The science explains why they lack impulse control. This is not an excuse for their choices – it’s a reason for them. When we understand the reasons, we can create real solutions.

Understanding this brain science shaped how we approach VIP sessions. If we can't expect teens to always control their impulses or fully understand their actions, we need to create structures that support them while their brains catch up with our expectations.

When to Call a VIP Session

VIP sessions typically start when two or more teachers are expressing concerns about a student, or when our standard classroom interventions aren't producing results. It's really a gut call, but I've found these sessions work best as a tier 2 intervention — after what individual teachers have tried isn't working, but before the situation escalates further.

The beauty of VIP sessions is their flexibility and progressive nature. We can start with just the student and their teachers. If we need to, we can bring in parents later. Sometimes we need to move straight to including parents. It's about matching the support to the situation — and including the VIP in every step of the way.

Who's in the Room

A typical VIP session brings together the key people in a student's daily school life. At its core, we have the student (our VIP), their teachers, a counselor who takes notes, and an administrator. When appropriate, we include the parent – their voice is crucial to this process.

Sometimes we expand the circle further. Grade level coordinators and Targeted Student Population (TSP) coordinators can offer valuable perspective. In some cases, we'll bring in Psychological Social Workers (PSW) to provide additional support and insight. Occasionally the VIP has asked for their peer mentor to be present.

If a parent or a teacher can't make it during the conference period, we find ways to include their voice. They can fill out our questions ahead of time, or we can incorporate their input in other ways. The key is ensuring everyone who's part of the student's daily school life has a voice in supporting their success.

This structure isn't random — it's designed to create a comprehensive support system around the student. When teachers complain about a student's behavior but resist being part of the solution, I remind them: "This isn't just about helping the kid. This is about making your job possible."

How to Run a VIP Session

Here's what I've learned about running effective VIP sessions. The structure matters – it's designed to build on strengths while addressing challenges.

Setting Up the Space

Everyone sits in a circle – parent, student (our VIP), teachers, counselor, administrator, and any mentors. The physical setup is intentional. We're all equal participants in making things right.

The VIP Session Structure

First, we explain why we're here. The message is clear: "We're here to make things right." This is restorative justice playing out in real time.
Then we go around the circle. Everyone shares one positive attribute about our VIP. The counselor takes notes. This isn't just talk, we're building a record of the student's strengths. We’ve discovered the VIPs often have a hard time saying something positive about themselves.
Next, each person — including the VIP— states a change they'd like to see in the VIP's behavior. Remember, we're focusing on the behavior, not the person.
This is crucial: we give the VIP space to share what's challenging them, what's keeping them from being successful.
The VIP sets a goal – and it needs to be SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound). We ask directly: "What are you willing to do to make this right?"
Everyone in the circle states how they're going to support the VIP in reaching their goals.
Finally, we define clear consequences that flow naturally from students' own choices — not from us handing down punishments. That's what makes VIP sessions restorative: students understand what to expect and own their decisions.

Everything said in the session goes into a written agreement that everyone signs, which becomes our third point of reference in future conversations. When challenges arise later, we're not arguing person-to-person. Instead, we can point to the agreement and say, "Let's look at what we all committed to."

I can't emphasize this enough: keep comments directed to the student. If a parent starts talking about their child instead of to them, guide them back. "Would you mind telling him that directly?" This small shift makes a huge difference.

The goal here is compassionate accountability. We want both student and parent to understand that we're in this together. We'll provide support, but we need their commitment, too. As I often tell parents: "We love your kid. That's why we're here. Your child is perfect as they are, but the behavior needs to change. We're here to help make that happen."

The Power of VIP Sessions in Action

I want to share two stories that demonstrate why VIP sessions matter. Both show what happens when we take the time to truly see our students.

Looking Beyond Behavior

In one VIP session, we gathered to discuss a student who was failing classes and acting out. As we went around sharing challenges, his mother quietly mentioned that the young man’s father had just died. The student sat there crying, head down. None of us in the room had known about his loss. What looked like defiance was really grief. This wasn't an excuse for failing grades — it was the context we needed to provide the support the student most needed. In this case, the student joined a grief circle at school.

Small Actions, Big Changes

Another student participated in a VIP session during a time when she and her mother, a cafeteria worker at our school, were barely speaking to each other. As part of our follow-up, the student took on one of our challenges: writing a simple note expressing love to someone important. She left a note for her mom that just said "I love you, mom." Her mother saw it in the mirror before heading to work. That day, she was noticeably kinder to every student she served. One small action created a ripple effect throughout our school community.

These sessions work because they help us understand the invisible context of our students' lives. When teachers hear these stories firsthand, they often say, "I had no idea." That's exactly why I want teachers in these sessions — not just to help the student, but to transform how we see them.

Building School Community Through Enlightened Self-Interest

The data tells a clear story: only 27 suspensions during my long tenure, with 26 being mandatory Category 1 offenses. But numbers aren't what make VIP sessions work. What matters is the transformation they create.

I've had students who didn't mind breaking school rules, who didn't mind breaking the law, but once we built a real relationship, they didn't want to break our hearts. That kid who's making it impossible to teach? They're going to keep pushing until they know if you really mean it when you say they could be anything they want to be. They're going to test whether you truly see them as worthy.

In the face of all this love, if they still fail, that's on them. But when they realize we're genuinely invested in their success, they rarely let us down. These sessions aren't just another intervention program — they create the conditions where courageous teaching and real learning can finally take root.

Ready to Transform Your Classroom?

VIP sessions have shown us that when we truly see our students, real change becomes possible. The path to creating these supportive spaces takes commitment, but the impact on your school community is transformative.

I offer professional development workshops and consulting on implementing VIP sessions, restorative practices, and building genuine connections with challenging students. Learn more about bringing these practices to your school or book a workshop that will help your teachers create the conditions where all students can succeed.